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Book Room
If you have read any books that you have particularly enjoyed or you have found useful or informative, you may wish to add them to our Book List below for others to enjoy. Please drop us a line through The Other Woman Contact Details and we will add your synopsis/review and recommendation to this page.
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Why do People have Affairs?
In Mira Kirshenbaum’s book ‘When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships’ she identified 17 different reasons why a man may feel inclined to have an affair. 1. The "see-if" affair. You're in a see-if affair if your basic motive is determining whether something you've found missing in your relationship can be found with someone else and, if so, whether it makes as much of a difference as you thought. 2. The ejector-seat affair. You want out of your marriage but you're afraid to just quit, and so you're hoping that an affair will end things for you: either your spouse will kick you out or your lover will give you the courage to quit. (By the way, just because you want out of your marriage doesn't mean that in fact it is best for you to get a divorce; it might just be that you don't know how to make things better.) 3. The heating-up-your-marriage affair. Unconsciously, you are hoping that either the affair itself or your spouse finding out about it will make things more passionate in your marriage. 4. The distraction affair. Things are hard, frustrating, confusing in your life, and an affair is a way to distract your self from all these difficulties by creating a kind of oasis of romance. 5. The break-out-into-selfhood affair. For a long time there are forces in your life that have opposed your being yourself, expressing yourself, the affair was the best way you knew how to stand up for who you are. 6. The I-just-needed-to-indulge-myself affair. It may not be noble but the fact is that you've been working so hard that an affair is the best way you know how give yourself some pleasure. 7. The let's-kill-this-relationship-and-see-if-it-comes-back-to-life affair. This one usually happens unconsciously, but the idea is that once an affair is discovered it will deliver a blow to your marriage that will either kill it or make it stronger. 8. The unmet-needs affair. Quite simply, you have important needs that aren't being met in your marriage and your affair is your way of getting these needs met. 9. The having-experiences-I-missed-out-on affair. You weren't in a lot of relationships before you got married and now you strongly feel there are experiences that are important to you that you missed out on, and an affair is the best way you can think of to have those experiences. 10. The do-I-still-have-it affair. You're getting older, your marriage is stale, and now you wonder if you still have the power to attract someone, get them to fall in love with you, and carry on a passionate affair with them. 11. The surrogate-therapy affair. You need help of some sort—maybe boosting your self-esteem—and an affair is your way of getting it. 12. The trading-up affair. You have moved ahead in life and you think your spouse has stayed behind, and an affair is your way of being with someone whom you more think matches your current circumstances. 13. The accidental affair. You weren't looking for an affair, and you wouldn't have even said you wanted an affair, but you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, you were weak and vulnerable, and, yes, it really did just sort of happen. 14. The revenge affair. You are furious at your spouse for some way he or she hurt you, and your are having an affair as a way to get back, even if your spouse never learns about the affair. 15. The mid-life-crisis affair. Mid-life-crisis affairs are rare because true mid-life crises are rare. What people think of as a mid-life-crisis affair can almost always be explained by one of the other affairs, such as the surrogate therapy affair or the mid-marriage-crisis affair. 16. The sexual-panic affair. You feel your sexual powers are waning with age and in a kind of panic you have an affair to prove that in a more exciting context you will still be as sexually able as you were when you were younger. 17. The mid-marriage-crisis affair. Without work and attention relationships can get stale or feel full of hard-to-resolve issues, and tired and frustrated with your marriage, and not knowing what else to do, you have an affair. |
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Marrying the Mistress – Joanna Trollope
Merrion Palmer is Judge Guy Stockdale's mistress, who he has been having an affair with for seven years. Neither, Laura, his wife of 40 years nor his two grown-up sons, knew anything about her so Guy and Merrion enjoy a happy, uncomplicated relationship in stolen moments together. To the outside world Guy appeared to be the model husband, father and grandfather. But then conscious of the passing years and of the wasted opportunities, Guy didn't want to keep Merrion a secret any more and he wanted to marry her. Unfortunately he was quite unprepared for the painful storm which followed his confession. |
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The Other Boleyn Girl – Philippa Gregory
Historical novel set in the court of King Henry VIII. Mary Boleyn becomes the King’s mistress; when he tires of her, she sets out to school her sister, Anne, as a replacement. Politics and passion are inextricably bound together in this compelling drama. |
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The Other Woman: Twenty-one Wives, Lovers, and Others Talk Openly About Sex, Deception, Love, and Betrayal. Victoria Zachheim
In "The Other Woman: Twenty-one Wives, Lovers, and Others Talk Openly About Sex, Deception, Love, and Betrayal," Victoria Zackheim shares 21 essays of love, betrayal, shock and jealousy by women who either broke up relationships or those who suffered at the hands of "home-wrecker" or "Jezebel." |
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Love and Other Infidelities – Helen Townsend
How many does it take to make a marriage? And how many does it take to destroy one? The Husband - She was the boss's daughter - but I wanted her. I didn't know Susan would have a checklist for married life: the house, the garden, the kids, the schools... The Wife - I hadn't wanted a boring life. That's why I chose Martin. But once we had the kids other things became important - like knowing if he would come home at night. The Other Woman - With Martin and me it was more than just sex. We felt the same about life, freedom and fun. But then my biological clock started ticking... The Vicar - I ought to be preaching about patience and forgiveness. But I've been in love with Susan for years, and even a Man of God has his temptations... |
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When Good People Have Affairs - Mira Kirshenbaum
World-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of men and women caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair reaches into their emotional lives. Now, in "When Good People Have Affairs," Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She gives readers everything they need to cut through the thickets of fear, hurt and confusion to find their ways to happier, more solid relationships with the person who's right for them . |
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This Affair is Over – Nanette Miner
A self-help guide for the woman who is waiting for her lover to leave his wife and begin a life with her. This book provides encouragement, support, and a PLAN to get out of that dead end relationship. Be prepared to read this book with a strong heart and an open mind. It is not intended to discourage you, but rather encourage you - to reclaim your life, your self respect, your motivation and the happiness that you deserve. |
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Why Men Have Affairs – Irwin Marcus
In Why Men Have Affairs, Dr. Marcus offers his professional insights to couples grappling with the confusion and betrayal of an extramarital affair. With great compassion for all involved, he profiles the ten major personality types of a husband gone astray in order to expose common male vulnerabilities that lead to spousal infidelity. |
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The Monogamy Myth – Peggy Vaughan
Peggy Vaughan provides a guide to surviving a partner's unfaithfulness examines the reasons for and society's role in encouraging infidelity, and gives advice on coping with affairs and restoring communication between partners. |
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The Seduction Cookbook : Culinary Creations for Lovers – |
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New Intercourses : An Aphrodisiac Cookbook –
Mark Hopkins, Randall Lockridge |
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Table for Two : French Recipes for Romantic Dining – |
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